what you find

It is typical (though to a lesser extent now) for my mind to be in a million different places even though my body is in one place. That way of 'thinking' has probably short-changed me in a number of ways, the most obvious being clarity.

I've written about how I've been trying to just think about nothing for at least 10 minutes a day and I must say, clarity's crystal has not only emerged, but I've also become way more efficient at prepping for it. It used to take ten minutes (or more) before I could get to nothing. Now, it takes 10 seconds.

So yesterday, when I wasn't thinking about anything in particular, I thought about this:

After having Ava, I was well aware of the 'physical changes' pregnancy and childbirth produced. How could I not be WELL aware of them? And while I was also aware of every breath she took, every glance she stole, every sound she shrieked or sighed, that my life was better, my purpose more obvious, I never recognized this awareness for the spiritual, emotional, and internal growth that it is. Not really.

I spent countless hours trying to undo the physical changes (in progress)--but can't say that I've spent as much time trying to enrich, or grow, the internal ones. Maybe I'm too hard on myself...but regardless, there is a latent gift within the obvious gift of children: with the slightest bit of willingness (even if it is subconscious) they put you on the path to betterment. They ARE the path to betterment. When you finally see it as such, you're way further along than you think. And we have them, those little miracles, to thank.

***

Ava always sees things as though it is for the first time. She sees at a hundred different angles without the slightest shift of her body. So yesterday on a walk, I tried to do the same. I saw the buds on the trees and the birds playing tag. Saw the same power line and for the first time recognized the criss cross it made in the sky. But clarity isn't all advantage.

I also saw this:

• Our gutters, which were clogged with leaves
• Black grime on our siding where white used to be
• Left over leaves wedged under our doormat
• Bits of wrapper and trash thawing in the earth
• Streaky windows
• Unwieldy weeds

Do I need to go on?

So be warned, clarity doesn't always mean clean. :)

Splurgin:

Still doing so well in the spending and savings arena. But little ones grow and you have to keep up! So, I acted on PURE impulse (gasp) and bought her this (on sale and with an additional discount)--so it totaled what a pair of shorts and shirt at Target would have run ($18):